Damn you, damn you to hell you limey bastards. I had this great plan to participate in Cheese Rolling in Gloucestershire and now my dreams have been shattered.

"For nearly two centuries, runners and spectators have gathered on a steep Cotswolds hill for the Whitsun cheese rolling.

The rough and tumble spectacle sees daredevil competitors chase a 7lb wheel of Double Gloucester down the 200-yard incline in one of Britain's most eccentric traditions.

But organisers have been forced to cancel this year's event because of health and safety fears."